Thumb or Boob?

That is the question.

I have been blessed/cursed with children that suck their thumbs. Grey stopped on his own around his third birthday. Aubry is three and a half and still at it. No end in sight at the moment, which is the cursed part. I love it that they can soothe themselves especially when they're tired in a quiet restaurant. I’ll take a thumb sucker over a screaming baby any day.

See?

I was about to leave Jude with Geoff for a little while and wanted to feed him before I left. It was time for him to eat anyway and he was starting to fuss. But he had popped his thumb in his mouth and he was happy. So happy, in fact, that when I went to feed him, boob in face, he would not let go of the thumb. I literally had my boob on his cheek and he did not make the transfer. It took me prying his thumb out of his mouth for him to make the switch and be fed.

The thumb is just a substitute for the real thing. It soothes, but it does not, like the boob, give us what we need to have life. We will turn to it to ease our worried minds when the boob is right there in our face.

Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible but not everything is constructive. 1 Corinthians 10:23

There are many ways that I soothe myself on a daily basis. From the outside no one would think twice about them. A drink, wasted time in front of the tv or on the computer, a chat with a friend that could lead to gossip or complaining, 5 too many cookies; not full on addictions, but certainly not beneficial or constructive.

In those times I know that a little time spent seeking Jesus and his ways would do more than soothe me, it would feed me. And yet I hold onto that thumb, tight! My ways are soothing in that moment; His ways give life. It is a choice I have to make. Then I have to be willing to let God pry my thumb out of my mouth. It’s not fun, but it will save my life.

A great book I read called “Addiction and Grace” by Gerald May says that it’s in those moments where addictions are born. They start very small with one drink, or one cigarette, and within a short time you’re regularly turning to that thing to soothe you. Jesus says that he is The Life (John 14:6), and that he came that we may have life and have it abundantly (John 10:10). Lord, let us turn to you in those moments. Pry the thumbs out of our mouths and give us life.

Finger Shoes

I finally bought the Five Fingers shoes that I've been stalking for the past few months. Had they been purple I would have bought them a while ago, but since they were an inferior color I waited until I could actually use them, being post baby and all.

The guy that I bought them from said that I would need to break myself into them. So I decided to wear them all day today and see how they felt. Ouch. Nine hours later I was hur-ting. By then I was pretty annoyed at these shoes. They look like they should be super comfy and I guess at first they are. Then you walk outside with them for a while, so that you cannot return them, and then they hurt. I know my feet will get used to them but I am sure glad to not be wearing them right now.

I have heard the argument that these shoes are supposed to make you run the way your body was designed to run: barefoot. In doing so you avoid injury and can improve the health of other parts of your body. But it hurts.

Well, that's the idea isn't it? It always hurts. It hurts as you become more and more what you were designed to be. God's "ultimate intention" (great book by Devern Fromke by the way) is for us to be like his Son, a brother to him. I just checked and I have a long way to go. The beautiful thing is that he continually provides ways for us to grow to be more like Jesus. It's how we respond to these opportunities that matters. Do we take the shoes back and opt for the cooshie comfy ones? Or do we hit the trail and know that in the end we will be stronger and more prepared for the next challenge. No pain, no gain. It doesn't get any simpler.

Therefore, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

Whatever God is trying to work out in our lives by allowing trials to come cannot compare to what Jesus had to endure. He was murdered by people for whom he lived, for whom he sacrificed his life. And his response: "forgive them, father, for they know not what they do."

And I have a hard enough time just respecting my husband, or my children. And I have a hard time giving my time to someone else, forgiving without an apology, allowing someone to treat me like crap because they are hurting, choosing to not be offended by the offensive. In very small ways when God gives us the grace to do these things we are losing our lives, the right to ourselves. And we can forgive as we go, as Christ did. It hurts, yes, but we do it because Jesus did it and for the reason Jesus did it. He did it for the joy set before him; the joy of pleasing his Father. Serious joy comes, I feel it every time. Thank you, God. Most people don't get to the joy because they don't want the hurt. I'll have another helping of hurt, please, because in the end I get to rest in the peace and joy of my God.

So tomorrow I run in my shoes...

Jonah's Prayer

After Morgan gave an interesting sermon comparing Jesus with Jonah I decided to read the book of Jonah. It was only 4 chapters after all. There's a lot about Jonah that doesn't come out in the children's version of the story, which was what I had in my mind. Jonah could not get past his anger at God for having mercy on a culture (the Assyrians) that had been enemies of Israel fom the beginning. He says,

"I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now, O Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live." Jonah 4:2-3

God said, " Have you any right to be angry?"

"I do," he said, "I am angry enough to die."

And that's it. Those are the last words we hear from Jonah in that book. Jonah had been looking forward to the Assyrians not repenting after he told them that if they didn't God would wipe them out. But they did repent, and God spared them and Jonah was pissed about it. He felt that they didn't deserve God's mercy. And Morgan made the point that we are the same way. We judge people around us all the time and decide when they do and when they don't deserve our mercy for whatever reason. But Christ is always merciful, and so must we be.

Ok, that wasn't really the point of my post but I thought the sermon was really good. If you want to hear it go here. It's especially good for those of us that struggle with compassion. (who? me?)

While Jonah was in the fish for three days he prayed and described to God the depths to which he had sunk and declared that he was turning back to him. In that prayer were these words:

"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." Jonah 2:8

This saying really effected me because in our society we choose to cling to things for security that are not capable of providing it: money/things, relationships, being busy, alcohol, food, etc. when there is provision that is already promised for us. All we have to do is turn to and depend on God for our security and he will provide. And he can provide so much more and so much better than all of those things I just listed. It requires a surrender of control on our part but the reward is so great. The grace is just waiting for us. Consider this:

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his child asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish will give him a snake? If you, then, who are sinful, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him?" Matthew 7:7-11

It is hard these days to be still and quiet before God to seek him on anything. I find myself filling up every moment of my day, including those last minutes in bed before I turn off the light, reading one more page of my book, half asleep, or playing Scrabble on my phone, anything but being quiet and focusing my thoughts on something meaningful. I think the easiest way to seek God is to read the Bible. Everything is in there. The more you read the more you learn about the nature of God and how to respond to every aspect of life the way he would. The life of Christ, the ultimate surrender, is the best guide. I personally find that it's much harder to be still and seek him from the depths of my heart. But the results are life changing and bring peace that cannot be explained. It's in those moments where you experience God for yourself. No one can ever argue against your experience, it is the truth and it is with you for life.

Many ways to God

There is one criticism about Christianity I have heard, even from my friends, that has had me thinking. And you have heard it, too, and might even agree with it. The criticism concerns the claim of the Christian faith that the only way to God is through Christ. For people who do not understand the faith or the nature of God, I understand the criticism; it seems intolerant and exclusive, especially if God is all-loving. But it's still not a fair one, because many world religions claim that their way is the only way, including Islam, Hinduism, and Judaism. So why just pick on Christianity?

My real issue with this criticism is when it comes from a Christian. I will admit that I have thought the very thing, "this is my way, it might not be everyone's way, but it's my way." And I see now how false that is. It just cannot be true. It is either the way or it's not.

The source of these thoughts is the postmodern concept of spiritual relativism where "truth" becomes subjective. What's true for me might not be true for you, and thus, there can be many ways to God. But that does not make logical sense. How can truth be relative?

But in reality, it all comes down to who Christ is. He either is who he said he is or he's not. It's that simple.

If Jesus is who he said he is and the argument is made that he is the Christ for you but not for everyone then that makes a complete mockery of his life.

If a Christian said they believed that Jesus was God made man, his life being a representation of the love and nature of God, then how could that person then say that Jesus was only right for him? It just doesn't make sense. Christ either suffered to reunite us with God or he didn't and his suffering was useless. If he was not who he said he was, then fine (yeah right) my life (and the world) is still better for me believing it. But if it is true then it has to be THE truth and THE way.

Here are some words about who Christ is, all from the Gospel of John:

"In him was life and that life was the light of men." John 1:4

"... full of grace and truth." John 1:14

"...the lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world." John 1:29

"For God did not send his Son to the world to condemn the world but to save it through him." John 3:17

"He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him." John 1:11

Jesus lived a life serving others because he loved them. He is good and he took the bad from us by his death to make us good, too. Now we can know God, through what Christ did and learn to be like him.

"When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die."

This is a quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a protestant during the time of Hitler. He was arrested and executed by the Gestapo when he was 39 years old.

He wrote a book I am reading called "The Cost of Discipleship," that gets to the heart of what it means to truly follow Christ. I came across the following excerpt and it helped me wrap my mind around something I had personally experienced for years but never understood:

"Are you worried because you find it so hard to believe? No one should be surprised at the difficulty of faith, if there is some part of his life where he is consciously resisting or disobeying the commandments of Jesus. Is there some part of your life which you are refusing to surrender at his behest, some sinful passion, maybe, or some animosity, some hope, perhaps your ambition or your reason? If so, you must not be surprised that you have not received the Holy Spirit, that prayer is difficult, or that your request for faith remains unanswered. Go rather and be reconciled with your brother, renounce the sin which holds you fast - and then you will recover your faith! If you dismiss the word of God's command, you will not receive his word of grace. How can you hope to enter into communion with him when at some point in your life you are running away from him? The man who disobeys cannot believe, for only he who obeys can believe."

When I was a young teenager I had an encounter with God that sealed my belief in him and in things of a spiritual nature. This world was not all there was. And I was in church enough and read my Bible enough to know what the life of a christian should look like. But from that point on I kept wondering and wondering why I couldn't experience God the way Christians around me did. My attention span for prayer was less than 5 minutes and I never "felt" whatever everyone else was feeling on a daily basis. My faith was very small.

In college I was in christian groups on campus and had christian friends (Pam!) that kept me pretty sheltered but I still managed to date people that I knew I should not be dating and in the end married someone I knew I should not be marrying. So, there we are. Just one example of where I was in direct disobedience to what I knew God would want for me. And that was just college. Grad school was worse. I knew that God could heal my marriage with Dave if I would let him. Instead, I chose to ignore that and leave. But all that time I was still yearning to sense God in my life and never felt a thing. After years of this I had pretty much given up on trying to feel God in my life. I knew he was there, but for some reason it wasn't in my cards to have the close relationship with him that friends and family around me had.

I know in this day and age people don't like the word "obey." I hear brides freaking out about the word "obey" being in their wedding vows. We feel like we alone can decide what's right for us. We won't submit to our husbands or God. But therein lies the issue. We have to submit to God, to obey him, in order to relate to him. He is perfect, we are not, and He cannot get to know us, and vice versa, while we carry our selfishness (sinfulness) around with us. Of course we all fall short, everyone does, but we have the ability to choose to submit and do right and as long as that's the intention of our heart that's all that matters. We do not have the ability to be perfect, but we can desire to be perfect and do our best work toward that. When we do this He, in turn, gives us faith.

So, what are Jesus' commandments?

He says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All of the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:37-40

How do we love God?

"For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments, and his commandments are not harsh." 1 John 5:3.

"Whoever has my commandments and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." John 14:21

The example to us of how to keep his commandmenst is the life of Christ. Ultimately he gave up his life. That is why, as Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, when Christ calls you he bids you come and die.

"If anyone would come after me he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world and lose or forfeit his very self?" Luke 9: 23-25

Whenever I look at a situation in my life and question if I am acting in a way that pleases God I look for what the Bible calls the "fruit of the spirit." The fruit is the product of my life. As a tree bears fruit I bear the fruit of God in my life.

The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against these things there is no law. Galatians 5:22,23

If your life reflects these things then the love and spirit of God are in you. And let me tell you, I can FEEL it! Woohoo! God is gracious and when my heart changed from myself to Him I could finally sense his presence in my life. It is truly the best thing I have ever experienced and I consider it a privelege to be able to lay down my life daily. That usually manifests itself in my relationship with Geoff, my kids, my friends and those that I work with. For me it's about not being easily offended and angry. It's about holding my tongue. It's about not judging what other people do and say. And mostly, it's about doing what's best for someone else when I know that they neither recognize it nor appreciate it. God recognizes it and he is my defender. Amen.

"Good"

Our BFFs from old, Brent and Shannon, came to visit this weekend. Being with them is like being with family minus the crazy. It's very comfy. We partook in a tradition that began in grad school in the backwoods of Mississippi; we went to a Better Than Ezra concert.

When Brent mentioned going this time my heart did sink a little. I knew that it would stir up the overall feeling of "ugh" that I usually experiece when I think of grad school and Mississippi. If I take the feeling futher then I can very well pull out and focus on the wonderfulness of that time; meeting Geoff, becoming his sherms, meeting Brent, the no-rulesness of living and going to school, both the stupid crap that Brent and I did on a regular basis and the meaningful talks we would have that provided endless entertainment... It was a magical time. But it also sucked. I got divorced, did this, got into that, hurt this person, carried a heavy burden of guilt all the time; I turned my back on God.

But as I stood there at the concert this weekend, listening to their song "Good" it occured to me that the overall feeling I had in that moment was good. It was not ugh.

I spent most of my time in grad school making decisions based on what I felt was good for me at the time. In the beginning, when Dave and I divorced, I knew that I was not giving God a chance to heal that marriage. I remember having those exact thoughts. No thanks, God. That was just the first of many poor decisions that led me to a place that Dave himself described as "the edge of a dark abyss." Talk about ugh.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those that love him, who are called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers." Romans 8:28,29

By the grace of God I got through that time, but not without leaving ruin on many levels in my wake. My friends suffered, Geoff suffered, my witness as a christian was hideous. But I know now that it was all "good." Good because it taught me that on my own I can do nothing but fail and hurt people. My life has to be submitted to God and what He says is good for me at the time. What he says in Romans 8 is that he plans for our lives to be good, to serve his purpose, which is to glorify his son Jesus. It might not always look good or feel good to us but for him it is. As soon as my life became his, it glorified him.

I still struggle with the hurt I caused others in my selfishness. I regret that. I would undo it if I could. But I know that God has a plan in that, too, that has nothing to do with me. That's now between them and God. We all get hurt by people and we all hurt people. It is God that restores us, if we will get over ourselves and look to him. There's a scripture I love about parents:

"Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me." Psalm 27:10

Though they forsake me, meaning, they will at some point forsake you, and probably already have. I am thankful that when I fail my kids they have God to fill in the gaps, to provide for them all that they need in the way of unconditional love and instruction.

My other thought on this scripture is that we are to be Jesus' brothers and sisters, his joy, his glory, his inheritance. And we do this by living like he did. We have to lay down our lives, which is painful by the way, and does not feel "good." We have to say, "not my will, but your will be done." When I hear people praying for their loved ones who have a problem with alcohol, or who are in a bad relationship, who have said, "no thanks, God" they always pray that God would deliver them of whatever they are mixed up in, asap. I don't like to pray that way. They are in that situation for a reason. God will use their rebellion to glorify his Son. And that can happen two ways: either that person will respond to the voice of God and turn away from themselves and to him or they won't respond and he will be glorified in his justice of condemning them. I know that sounds harsh but do you really think that you can live your life however you want and get away with it? You might not ever do anything illegal according to the law of the land but what about the law in your heart? You know what's right. You know how you should treat people, your husband, your wife, how you should control yourself, how you should give to and love others. We are all predisposed to bad behavior from nurture and nature. But we are grown-ups now. We are responsible for our actions. We can't blame it on our past and our parents.
God is a just God. He is also merciful to those who seek him and have a desire to live right and serve him with their lives. Christ made that possible. And we are lucky to have his life before us, page after page, teaching us how to live.

I still fail and I still hurt people. Even though I know failure and hurting people is not good, it can work for good, which is to honor Christ. And God is telling me in his word that because I love him he will achieve his good through me.

What Christ Really Did

We know that Jesus led a pure life, free from the selfishness of sin that rules over us everyday. And we know that he died on a cross "for our sins." At least that's what we always hear. We are redeemed, made worthy again, because, in general, we all suck. If you say you don't suck you're a liar (1 John 1:8).

But what Jesus did on the cross goes beyond that. (I have always wondered what "taking on the sins of the world" must have felt like). Ephesians 1:4,5 reads "For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will."

The word adoption in Roman times had a more significant meaning than it does now. Roman citizenship had a lot of value. In fact that's how Paul escaped getting into some of the trouble that he would have had he been a gentile. His citizenship protected him. When someone was adopted they not only had a home and family for protection, they were also granted Roman citizenship which gave them rights and benefits that they were not born into.

When Paul writes about us being "adopted as his sons through Christ" he means that through Christ's sacrifice we became adopted children of God, worthy of the glory that Jesus himself had, worthy of a glory that we were not born into or deserved. Not only are we forgiven of our natural sin and made whole, we are made new and made right with God. We are made into what God ultimately intended for us to be: brothers and sisters of Christ, designed to reflect and glorify our Father with our lives. And to share in his joy and peace.

But Christ had to make a hideous decision. He had to look at man, in his selfish, fallen state and be willing to be separated from his Father, in order to restore man to his intended state of sonship. And not only that, but he had to make that decision without the assurance that anyone would even give a crap. Would you forsake knowing God so that someone else could? Would you do it knowing that they might never acknowlegde what you did or even give a crap?

And yet he did it. He did it because he knew it would please his Father. He knew his Father's heart and his Father's will. And though in the garden he pleaded that God would "take this cup" from him (Matt 26:39), he did it anyway.

We are called to live that way. We are called to lay down our wills, what we think is right, what we feel is justified, even our lives, in order to please our Father. And we're to do that for each other. Husbands for wives, wives for husbands. Even for a stranger who doesn't give a crap.

Luke 9:23-25 reads "Then he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?'"

Your very self is a son or daughter of God.